We had a great time in Wisconsin. Well when I say "we" and mean "I". Jason was constantly under a microscope and spent the majority of the time interviewing. I, on the other hand, had a fabulous day to myself. I have to say that I now believe the best therapy (for me) is spending the day by myself, touring a new city. It really doesn't get any better. I love spending time with my family and all, but it has been sooooo long since I've had any time to myself that I really enjoyed it when I got the chance. I slept in, took my time getting all dolled up, and walked around downtown, and visited all the little shops on State St. I spent as much time as I wanted in each one and walked as fast or slow as I wanted. After I felt I had walked everywhere within reason, I set up the map on the GPS and drove all around town, turning into random neighborhoods, getting a feel for what the city is really like. I feel like I finally relaxed for the first time in a long time.

Of course, just because I had a good time doesn't mean I wasn't constantly on the phone, checking on my babies. I am so proud of myself, I only cried once. We Skyped at least twice a day and when the time to go home came, I felt like I couldn't get there fast enough. I am pretty sure I "willed" the airplane into going faster because we actually arrived 30 minutes early.

So, yes, we had a pretty good time. Jason was very impressed with the department. We were both impressed with the people he would be working with. I am particularly impressed with the school systems there. The downsides? No family and no mountains. We definitely have a difficult decision ahead of us.

So, when you've got yourself a newborn with a weaker immune system and there happens to be an unfamiliar virus stalking public places, you find yourself at home a bit more.

I've pretty much stopped going to our play group. We no longer hang out at Barnes and Noble playing with the train. We haven't been to the park in a couple months because (it was pretty damn hot out and) the virus is particularly nasty for pregnant people . I didn't sign Elizabeth up for any Little Gym classes this semester. We're pretty much going nuts here with nothing to do.

Two or three times a week we will take the stroller out for a stroll around the apartment complex, but even that isn't really safe. Last time we did that, another lonely mom noticed us walking and positioned herself accordingly so that we would have to stroll past her and her toddler. Normally I would welcome the opportunity for small talk but Molly was only 5 weeks old and I was avoiding people. By the time I realized what was going on, it was too late. We were marked. It would have been terribly rude to stop dead in our tracks and turn around after I had made eye contact with this woman. As expected, her hands went straight for my tiny baby's head. Everyone loves to stroke her thick dark hair. I winced, speechless, and forced a smile. As we inched away from her, she casually insinuated that I was a bad mother by telling me that my baby was too cold. Somehow, even though it was 78 degrees outside, even though Molly was dressed in a long sleeved shirt and sweatpants, pressed up against my body in a sling and visibly starting to sweat, she was too cold? I reasoned to myself that maybe this woman is just used to the heat because she was dressed in long traditional Muslim attire. We pushed passed on our normal route so Elizabeth could get some energy out and I spent the rest of the walk in defense mode, ready to karate chop anyone else who tried to touch my baby.

Even though we've been "trapped" indoors quite a bit more, I have been able to stay sane. The secret? NPR's This American Life. I started listening to the archives a couple weeks ago. It is very interesting, funny, sad, entertaining. It takes the edge off of the fact that I am the only adult in the house for 16 hours per day. I can go about my daily routine and still feel like I'm being intellectually stimulated. I can listen on the computer without actually having to sit in front of it, which means I can still be productive. I wish I could recommend a favorite episode but they are all so good I can't choose a favorite. But I can tell you the first one I listened to that hooked me: Switched at Birth. It is about, well, two babies switched at birth as the title suggests. I've heard of it happening but have never actually heard a specific story. It was fascinating, specifically because it happened in a small town, where the families knew each other. There are, of course, some more interesting twists but I won't spoil it in case any of you actually care to give it a listen.

You'd think reading would be a great way to pass time in the house. It is not quite as easy as it sounds when you become a human jungle gym half way through a chapter. Or a two year old snatches away your book and loses your page number before you realize what is going on. I've given up on reading for now.
If anyone has any suggestions of stuff to do indoors with kiddos, I'd be more than grateful! I have limited TV to only one hour a day so that leaves about 11 hours of time I need to entertain :-/ I need ideas!

So there is this nurse Jason works who seems to have taken a special interest in him. She's an older lady and, from what I hear, really huggy and a little bit "off". I've never met her so I can't really make my own judgement about her.
She gave us three bags of presents after Molly was born. A cute little dress, a photo album, and a bunch of stuffed animals. The thing is, her son died a while back (not sure how) and apparently the stuffed animals belonged to him. A part of me is honored that she would give us his "favorite toys". Another part is a little freaked out. She has only known Jason a little while and only professionally. I've never even met her. Why would she give us such personal items from her deceased son? For some reason I'm hesitant to take them out of the bag. I don't know what to do with them. Any ideas?

I haven't let myself get all worked up over Maine's gay marriage debate this year. To be honest, my children hardly ever let me watch/read the news and when I finally do get a moment to do so, I don't have time to think or write about it. Although I did sit and catch up one night last month while watching Rachel Maddow. I learned that Maine's governor, who once publicly stated that he would not support gay marriage, has had a change of heart. After educating himself on the issue and listening to people's stories, he decided that he would support equal civil rights and helped legalize gay marriage back in May. Unfortunately this right was repealed by election on the 3rd.

It is a shame. It is a shame on society for voting away the rights of a subordinate group just because they don't understand it. Sadly, this is not a new concept in history.

I don't need to go into the history of slavery and women's suffrage because I assume everyone can see the obvious discrimination there which was eventually deemed unconstitutional. Having said this, I have to say that I believe religion and/or lack of education played a role in slowing down the passage of both these important historical events, as well as the Equal Rights Amendment. Consequently, the mostly Mormon state of Utah has yet to ratify the ERA. Texas is the only state in the Bible Belt that has completely ratified it, the others either haven't done so, rescinded it, or only passed in one house of the state legislature. Wikipedia link here). Is it just me or is it pretty messed up that, in 2009, the Equal Rights Amendment has yet to pass in every state in our country?

What is going to happen as science continues to find genetic links to homosexuality? Is religion going to continue to defend the theory that it is a lifestyle choice? Are they going to carefully and quietly change their stance to be more welcoming and accepting to homosexuals?

Unfortunately, as long as churches continue to ignore/misunderstand the evidence out there, and continue to preach intolerance, popular vote will be largely ineffective in changing the laws to legalize homosexual marriage. State by state, it will be a long road. Regardless, I will continue on it because I believe it to be the moral one.

So Jason was asked back for a second interview at one of our top choices. This is a great thing and I should be happy. I would be happy if I could bring my girls. Or at least Molly. The thought of leaving my 8 week old for two days while I'm 1300 miles away is not a pleasant one. I've seriously toyed with the idea of hiring someone to play Jason's wife so I can stay home. I've toyed with the idea of suddenly coming down with "swine flu" the day before we're supposed to leave. I've considered bringing them with us, but I know I wouldn't forgive myself if someone on the plane gave the swine flu to Molly. Elizabeth is vaccinated but Molly is too young to qualify. She is in the highest risk group, being under 6 months old and I don't want to gamble with her health.

When it comes down to it, I know I have to go. We could potentially move across the country to this place and live there long-term. I could grow into an old woman there and I sort of have to make sure that it is suitable for my family and I. I need to know what distinguishes this place from the other places we are considering and I can't make such comparisons without even visiting one. You can only count on Google Earth and Realtor.com to show you so much. Plus, I'd like to meet my husband's potential colleagues and make sure they are good people who aren't going to stab him in the back and make him work on our anniversaries.

Luckily, my mom and brother are going to fly out to stay with Elizabeth and Molly. It does make me feel a little better to know that the girls will each have their "own" sitter. Elizabeth can easily try one's patience and bring them to the brink of insanity, if they are not used to her level of energy and strong personality. It is better that two people are there to take her in shifts.

So am I crazy to leave my baby? Effing flu season.

With your first child, you don't really know what the hell you're doing. You've read the baby manuals but you never really trust yourself. Or, when you finally think you are doing things the right way, you realize, "Oh crap, the bottle nipples have gauges?!"
In other words, your first child is your guinea pig and, for this reason, you feel guilty and hope you have not caused permanent harm.

With the second child, you swear you are going to be a better parent. You have learned from all your mistakes from the first one. You don't even read the books this time around. You know what to expect. You don't even have to read the instructions on the formula can while preparing a supplemental meal for her. You have steered clear of all BPA products. You know all the best baby lotions and potions. You are always prepared for a "blow out". But you still can't help but feel guilty. This time you wonder if she's getting enough attention. Are you too busy making sure daughter #1 doesn't feel neglected and, in turn, neglecting daughter #2? Does she feel loved enough?

Do they feel equally loved?

And then I wonder, Did my parents ask themselves these same questions?

Lest that last post makes me sound like "Super-Mom", I better go over some things that I constantly worry about.

I hate cooking. It is true, every once in a while I will get on this crazy Julia Child kick and make dinner every night for a week. But reality usually settles back in after I realize that 4 of the 5 nights were complete failures in which the food was overdone, undercooked, used the wrong ingredients, or it for some reason it just tasted "a little off". This doesn't mean my family starves, just that they don't always get "good home-cookin". We may go out to eat a little more than we should, or settle for simple meals made with noodles or frozen ingredients. When we're lucky, my husband will have time to work his magic in the kitchen and whip up something a little more gourmet.

I'm not exactly what you would call "fun". I can only play "Space", "Ocean", "Tea Party", or "Safari" for so long before I excuse myself and sneak away to read the NY Times or WWTDD. I am not super crafty or creative when it comes to providing toddler activities. Sure there are lame attempts which have left the door and windows decorated in fall leaves cut out of paper bags. Sadly, I realized the only part Elizabeth enjoyed was taping them to their current locations. If nothing else, this little activity was more therapeutic for me, as my home now feels a tad bit more "autumny".

I am not always able to keep a straight face when I should. I'm sorry, but it is funny how Molly has to stop and look me in the eye during every "intestinal disturbance". I couldn't help but laugh when last night Elizabeth asked, "Guess what?" only to answer with "CHICKEN BUTT!"

My daughter is not the slightest bit interested in potty training. Every attempt seems to further push her away. She has informed me that she is "big enough" to use the potty but she is not "ready enough". I know I can't push her if she's not ready and have resolved to go by her time table, but I can't help but see this as a failure on my part as a mother.

She is happier when she gets a nap, but for the life of me I cannot get her to nap without taking her on a drive. I put up blackout drapes over a year ago. For weeks I placed her in her bed and put up the gate but she lays there in the dark, happily entertaining herself with anything and everything she can get her hands on for one, two, three hours, only to fall asleep watching TV at 5pm. So, yes, when I need her to take a nap I will strap her into her carseat and drive around the neighborhood for ten minutes so she will calm down enough to go to sleep. Unfortunately this is becoming a little costly to do everyday, thanks to rising gas prices. What to do? I don't know!

This is just the tip of the iceburg. In spite of all my imperfections, I'm hoping I can still raise some good, strong, smart, and happy kids who don't grow up to resent Mommy's flaws.

P.S. Advice on any of these issues is more than welcome!